Thoughs

 The dirge of a forty-something has kept me alive, that's weird, but I know I'm not the only one this happens to. Sometimes I wonder if death hates me, but then I remember that death comes when you stop looking for it. They realize? I don't really know, my life has become so fucking happy that I'm seriously considering killing myself tomorrow night. I can't believe how great and effective it is to draw and play with ghosts, a perfect therapy and, above all, free. I live with ghosts, ghosts are consuming me, and I think it's for the best, no, I don't think, I'm sure, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my miserable and disappointing life. I am not myself. who I am? I myself am nobody, that's what I am, nobody. That concludes my existence. I need a camera. There is no longer room for the bodies of the ghosts that accompany me. It will be my birthday soon, you can wish me a happy birthday if you want. I just realized that Boy Division (from MCR) sounds like Hayloft II (from Mother mother). My own dream haunts me, I found out living with ghosts is my cure when I was able to get out of my body for forty odd minutes, basically I watched three weeks of my life go by and it really was forty minutes in a dream trance, I'm scared now. My dreams turn into nightmares so I embrace the terror. Lie to me at dawn, kill me at sunset…. I want to sleep. I am not at all sorry for my cuts, if it were up to me, my skin would be decorated every night with the beautiful red of the blood of a repressed adolescent and at risk of suffering from diabetes (my blood will become dark and dense) to which sugar keeps alive. At the end of the month I will dye my hair, that makes me happy :D